One of the most subtle traps leaders fall into is the need to be liked. It rarely starts as insecurity. It often begins as empathy, approachability, and a genuine desire to care about people. Over time, that desire can quietly shift from serving others to needing their approval, and when that happens, leadership begins to drift.

Being liked feels validating. It reassures you that you are doing a good job, that people trust you, and that you belong in the role you carry. The problem is that approval is a fragile foundation. It cannot support difficult decisions, honest feedback, or uncomfortable conversations. Leaders who rely on being liked eventually begin to avoid anything that might threaten it.

This avoidance shows up in subtle ways. Feedback gets softened until it loses clarity. Standards get adjusted instead of enforced. Decisions get delayed until someone else takes responsibility. Conflict is framed as patience, and silence is mistaken for wisdom. Over time, teams sense the shift. They may enjoy the comfort, but they lose confidence in the leadership.

Scripture never positions leadership as a popularity contest. Jesus was followed by crowds and abandoned by them just as quickly. He did not adjust truth to preserve approval. He did not chase affirmation to validate His authority. His leadership was rooted in obedience, not consensus, and that obedience often placed Him at odds with the people around Him.

The need to be liked is especially dangerous because it disguises itself as humility. Leaders tell themselves they are being gracious, understanding, or relational, when in reality they are protecting themselves from discomfort. True humility does not avoid tension. It engages it with honesty and restraint. It is willing to be misunderstood in the short term to protect people in the long term.

There is also a spiritual cost to approval-driven leadership. When pleasing people becomes the goal, discerning God’s will becomes harder. Prayer turns into justification instead of surrender. Scripture becomes selective. Decisions are filtered through how they will be received instead of whether they are right.

Strong leaders learn to separate care from approval. They care deeply about their people, but they do not need to be liked by them to lead well. They understand that trust is built through consistency, not popularity. Respect grows when leaders are fair, clear, and steady, even when those qualities create tension.

The reality is that leadership will disappoint people no matter how kind or thoughtful you are. If you lead long enough, you will frustrate people you respect, anger people you care about, and lose the approval of people you hoped to keep. That is not failure. That is responsibility.

The question is not whether people like you. The question is whether they can trust you to tell the truth, hold the line, and act with integrity when pressure rises. Leaders who let go of the need for approval gain something far more valuable. They gain freedom to lead faithfully, even when it costs them comfort.

Being liked is pleasant. Being trusted is essential. Wise leaders choose the second, even when it means surrendering the first.